I was once a competitive athlete, so I know about nerves. I have been anxious before. But I had never felt like every ounce of my blood was replaced by adrenaline until this morning. I slept fitfully, dreaming all night of checking my score. I woke up buzzing. My limbs feel light and the world seems kind of slow and gauzy. Perhaps having coped with failure already in my countless repetitive dreams last night has put me at peace with the possibility of disappointment, or at least as much at peace as I can expect to be.
I click the button.
"You have no scores yet."
Not until 5:00pm.
I can wait.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
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